The last words God gave to me before we came here were this, "Corie, when darkness comes, don't lose focus or become distracted. Let the Keeper of your heart reign. Let the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God, fill your heart. Look up, for the lifter of your head wants your attention.
Gaze at the majestic mountain tops around you, let them be a reminder of the divine authority. For the Great High Priest is with you. . ."
That " . . ." is so comforting to me. It means He has more to say to me, more to share, to encourage, and to instill hope. In the little time I have been here, I have felt various levels of distraction and loneliness. I have felt the weight of adulthood and the pressure of purpose in parenting, marriage, and loving the hurting. It is true that the newness has worn off, the bags are unpacked, and I feel that now we are waiting to see how it will begin to unfold. For my sake, it is easy to fear the upcoming deployment. I am not afraid of Matt getting hurt- they don't let chaplains go into dangerous situations. I think of just how long a year is. I think of the day the newness of my "ability to be a single mom" wears off and my energy hits an all time low. What do you do? Press on I guess, that is the only choice. My hope though, is that I will be amazed after that initial cry and I will hear another continuation of God's words to me in the silence, ". . . I am with you baby girl, I am still protecting you from the things outside of your heart. . . I see you and I will reveal my purpose for you."
There is no greater comfort than His words to me. Even now as I look back on the sweet whispers He has grafted into my soul, my heart, I feel His presence circling me once again. My "woes" are quieted by His gentle grace that sustains me, gives me hope, and brings excitement to replace fear of the unknown.
And yet, even if there is nothing. . . even if I am left continuing to weep in His presence, and he gives me no words, no guidance, and no hope in that moment. His arms are there and it is enough.
Oh what joy! What joy I have in a new understanding of Him that far exceeded anything I ever thought was possible. I thought I understood Him. I thought I had enough of Him, and yet this new door He has opened is only a beginning. Why do we wait? Why do we sit and think that when He changes us the first time that it is enough?? Why do we not remember the leap in our heart when we felt his grip of control just when we chose to let it go? And yet we settle in, get comfortable and fear change once more. Oh Lord, may I always come to you to be changed again, to see you more than I did the day before!
I see the mountains differently everyday. It is my gift from Him reminding me of His sovereign authority. My Great High Priest is there, is here, filling the voids of my life with his hovering presence, filling it with light, truth, and making all things good. In those moments, my breath is taken away, time stops, and I hear nothing around me except for the silent praise of His creation. It is just me and Him and all I hear is the beauty of ". . .