So I have almost completed my first week by myself here in Colorado. No spiders, nothing breaking down- at least that is what I have heard happens. I have many other opportunities for that though I guess. I did well. I had a couple of days where my patience was thin but when it came down to it. . . we all missed daddy and there is a void without him here.
That is something we all have to figure out. Jack tried to talk to his Facebook profile picture yesterday. This morning, the first thing Aidan said was, " Daddy comes come today! We can go to the bagel store tomorrow with him!" I can't wait to see their reaction and its only been a week. I know that is nothing compared to what others have experienced, but you only know what you go through yourself and a week is a long time for a kid. My week was busier than I expected and that helped.
As for what I learned this week... there is no energy I can count on that compares to the sustaining peace of God. I didn't do well spending time with him like I wanted. The kids getting up before six and going to bed at 8 did not help in the area of alone time. But, I realized that his voice is in my boys eyes when I want to snap and all I see instead is a place to pour my heart, energy, and love. These latest pictures are my stop signs. What a joy to experience those looks at some of my worst moments. Whatever insecurity or inability I might have to be as perfect as I want to be starts to melt when I realize that a simple hug, tickle fest, and a stare back is all they need to feel the love my God has given me. I keep asking Aidan every night at the dinner table, "What was your favorite part of the day?" and his response all this week has been only, "Playing with you mommy." Not the hike we went on, or the store we went to, or the time I let him watch his favorite video, or game.
Since my last big experience with God when he revealed such an amazing view of my kids, I have not forgotten his guidance. With confidence I guide Jack sternly when needed and am learning to be even more sensitive to Aidan, challenging his limits of understanding when it comes to God and his desire for us. That moment with him was an opportunity to fall in love with my kids all over again and then fall in love with God for his kindness and power. I wish everyday was like that.